Monday afternoon on Facebook, my friend posted this article: “The many cases for getting married younger” by Megan McArdle.
And I have to say upon my initial read; I was highly offended, very upset and angry by it, and I couldn’t wait to vent and post about it on WP! Even the title made me boiling mad! However, after a couple of hours had gone by and I read it a second time (more like skimming) without my lenses of ‘fury’, I could understand the points that Ms. McArdle makes. I do plan on counter-arguing some of them though (just based on my life experiences).
First off, this article was way too long! For an online article scrolling through on my iPhone, it took me almost 10 minutes to read. I’m just guestimating but my personal preference for reading a long article is a hard-copy version. If I’m going to read an article online, it should be straight to the point, quick and easy on the eyes. The author makes valid points, but there’s just too much information and facts/data/statistics and I caught myself skimming through passages and getting impatient.
The author writes that women should start looking for potential spouses in their college years instead of waiting 5-10 years after because of the vast amount of potential single men to select from and to avoid fertility problems. While I would say this is true, that still doesn’t mean you may find your long-term match. I was very close to marrying my college boyfriend, but I probably would have gotten divorced 2 years later. While I am very glad to see that some people do end up marrying and staying with their college bf/gf’s, the early 20’s can be so confusing. People are still figuring what major/career they want to pursue and discovering their identity. For most, it’s their first time away from parents and learning to live by themselves and other people. I think it makes sense to learn how to be an adult with responsibilities before considering marriage or any serious long-term relationship. It just seems silly to take away from the college and growing up experience by adding on pressure by trying to find your partner before its “too late”.
Education and career are highly emphasized by my family and culture and I found dating during college to be time and mind-consuming. I didn’t start dating until one half into my junior year, and from then on, I saw my grades fluctuate and drop. If a woman is serious about looking for a potential partner, how can she dedicate sufficient amount of time to do that while trying to advance her education? Isn’t that the entire reason of going to college? We shouldn’t see it as a meat market but as a place to grow minds.
As to the fertility problem potential, well that’s just tough noogies. That’s for each woman to decide and risk. And I’m pretty sure for any educated woman, she knows the dangers and risks for being pregnant at a later age. But to each their own, how can society condone a personal decision like that?
I know for me and my single female friends, we would love to have been married earlier (I’ll be turning 30 this year). I didn’t just date around for the fun of it. For most relationships I was in, I was serious and committed. However, they just didn’t work out, wasn’t a good match, and/or had my heart broken. So for me this article was a slap in the face, as if she was telling me I wasn’t trying hard enough to find my life partner because I was focused on my studies and trying to mature as a person. (maybe I’m just taking the article the wrong way but hey this is my opinion and feeling!)
BTW, this article mentions a lot of other things that I didn’t even touch upon including low-income, single families, pregnancy before marriage, etc. Too much to address in this post, but send me some feedback/comments if you can make it through the article!! No bashing please, this post is just my opinion and based on my experience!