Here I goes..

On April 11, 2013 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

I always knew there was something wrong with me. My mom has always said that I’m a very sensitive and highly emotional person. And when I’ve acted out in violent rages and outbursts, I had a secret desire to be locked away in an insane asylum.

Well that day did come.  After expressing thoughts of suicide and having moments of uncontrollable sobbing, my psychiatrist advised me to admit myself into the hospital. I almost couldn’t believe what I was doing. But I knew I had to get myself under control and seek serious mental help.

After time on the inpatient psych unit, and then a partial hospitalization program; I started going to a specialized type of therapy:  Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), which has been found to be most effective for treating people with BPD.

For those that know me somewhat, or those that only know me in one setting may be very surprised to read about my diagnosis. BPD, aka emotional dysregulation disorder is “characterized by impulsivity and instability in mood, self-image, and personal relationships” by NAMI.

Most people who know me view me as a genuine, caring, fun-loving, happy, laughing, independent, and well-accomplished woman. Not to say that I’m not these things, but I tend to swing quite often in the opposite direction of seriousness, negativity, insecurity, and prone to doubt and indecision. My friend was surprised to hear that I harboured such feelings and views about myself.  I play down my achievements and talents, and think that I am average.

I’m not going to use this blog to explain all about BPD and its symptoms. You can read all about it on the NAMI or NIMH sites. I suppose I want to use this blog as a vehicle for anybody out there to get to know the real me, the real “thinking” me. I have Facebook to share silly and awesome updates and pictures. I have Twitter to randomly complain or retweet quotes on. And I have Instagram to show off pictures of the “love of my life” kitty and of food. But with this platform, I’m going to express my weirdness, randomness, true feelings, and unveil to see who else is there like me? Who else is going through anything similar? Because I know I’m not alone in this.

FYI, I was inspired to write because of wild at heart. Thank you!